smiling yet so fake

dun feel lyk talking abt my day 2day... my life seems so un-interesting to talk abt rite now... no idea wat 2 talk abt but i'll juz type wateva dat comes 2 mind...

my girls day out was cancelled cos my frien gotta work & de others couldnt make it on another day... sigh~ was lookin 4ward 2 it so much & now it falls deep down under ground making me so (i duno wat word 2 describe it)... missed de girls & yet every1 is so bz wif our own lifes dat its so hard 2 meet 2gather... individual meetin wasnt so hard but as a grp it seems impossible... i juz miss dem so much... wana b lyk how 2 we used 2 b back in sec skool... i juz wana meet dem... see how life has changed 4 each of us... catch up wif 1 another... but it seems so hard... haiz~

i used 2 b happy... everyting no matter how bad i could juz smile & tell myself "everytings gona be ok"... but recently i seemed 2 haf lost dat side of me... i wasnt as happy as i used 2 be... on certain days i could be floating up in de heavens but suddenly kena kicked off a happy cloud & thrown down 2 hell... sum times a sweet dream turns in2 a nitemare... it freaks me out at how fast tings could juz change wifout warning... i juz wana be happy but it seems so difficult lately... each time i get happy sumtings gona make tings difficult 4 me... lyk i was destined 2 be sad, depressed, unhappy 4 de rest of my life... its juz lyk its tellin me "u had ur share of happiness, its time 4 u to be sad... its your fate"...

izit reali?

everyting was falling in2 place at 1st... but now bits & pieces of it juz start 2 fall off... its lyk a jigsaw puzzle... i bot a box wif every single piece inside dat box... as i opened it & started piecing it 2gather... every piece fits de other perfectly... wen i reach de last few pieces to complete de jigsaw... pieces started to go missing & my jigsaw neva seemed to be finish... each time i put back a missing piece, another will juz disappear frm de picture... its lyk an endless task to gain satisfaction & happiness in completing my jigsaw... sumting is preventing me frm giving me a happy ending... but wat? or who? and why?

der's owaez so many questions and so lil answers... i've got tons and tons of unanswered questions which nuttin or no1 was willing to give me some answers... sumtings dun need an answer... but y did de question exist in de 1st place when it noes der's no answer to it?

lyk a person who is destined to be alone 4ever is endlessly searching for that their riteful partner... having high hopes dat 1 day a special sum1 will sweep dem off their feets... but wat if tings neva turn out de way dey tot it would be? wat if after giving their best, their best juz wasnt gd enuf? wat if de answer dat dey receive juz wasnt de answer dey were expecting?

i'm so confused now... lost in my own tots cos no1 was willing 2 lend me a hand in easing my pain... its lyk i'm suffering frm an unknown virus... uncertain of any possible cure... but i would lyk to try everyting 2 cure tis virus dat is killing me inside out... i need (sumtings dat i haven been given in a long time)...