Uncle Agony Kumar

quoted from today's "The New Paper"


Problem #1:
"My husband is overweight. He almosts crushes me when we're getting intimate. I like bearish guys (that's why I married him), but he grew and grew and now, he is more elephant than bear! How do I hint him that I want my bear back?"
- Skinny girl


Answer:
"Dear Skinny girl,
You are WEIRD! At least you are giving bears some hope. Take him to the zoo and show him a polar bear. Than tell him that you miss your bear. I'm sure he'll get it. Sleeping with an elephant is really gross! Yucks! I have brain damage just thinking about it."
- Uncle Agony Kumar


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Problem #2:
"Last April, I was introduced to a man, who is 10 years my senior. He is a divorcee with three kids. He said he wanted to marry me and disclosed his past problems to me. I grew to love him.
But one day, he just disappeared. He is such a dishonest man and has hurt me. I hope he is not doing this to others too."
- Lonely Girl


Answer:
"Dear Lonely Girl,
You know what? I'm not PSYCHIC. But what's wrong with you girls? Is it because older men have more money? Money can buy everything, except LOVE. Wake up!"
- Uncle Agony Kumar


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Problem #3:
"At work, I sit next to a woman who is extremely messy. Her desk top is totally covered and stacks of letters are piling up. She cleans once a year and it's driving me mad. How do I tell her to clean up or clean out?"
- Neat freak


Answer:
"Dear Neat freak,
I think she's a transvestite. Only men are messy. Ask her to take female hormone pills for a month and see what happens? Hehe."
- Uncle Agony Kumar